Today's Sign of the Apocalypse:

Doggy Steps

I was riding the subway home tonight, and I saw an ad urging me to "pamper" my "pooch," with these canine-scale steps.

You rest your hiney on a nice comfy sofa. But if your dog wants to watch TV, he has to sit on the floor. Is that fair? You don't have to perform gymnastic feats of strength everytime you want to lie down, so why shoud your dog have it any different? Now the dog does not even have to jump to get into your bed. He can just use his own personal stairs.

Behold the Doggy Step's testimonial page:

"The only way he used to get up to the couch was if we picked him up...so now with the DoggySteps he can just join us whenever he wants!" ~ Christina C.

Fear the future, folks. Soon they will have social security numbers, and you'll be able to claim them as dependants on your tax return.

Reading my Comment box ...

Hilary commented on a post a couple weeks ago:

"So, Betsy, are you going to go for the Sister Servants?

I have to say, of all the neo-Cath groups, I think I like the looks of them the best. I looked and looked but I think these are the only ones that have catechetics as their exclusive apostolate, which, I personally feel, is the most pressing task of the Church. I just can't get on the wagon with the idea of wasting trained religious specialists on teaching home economics or chemistry ..."

First: I would object to the application of the term "neo-Cath," because all things authentically Catholic (and the Sr. Servants are authentically Catholic, for sure,) are in some way timeless as the Church is herself. Holy Mother Church is ancient, and wondrously young and ever new, all at the same time.

So, I do not refer to the various Orders of Celebration by the terms "Old" and "New" Mass. The Mass is the Mass, has been and always shall be, the Mass. And I take care not to refer to religious communities that utilize previously promulgated editions of the Order of Celebration as "Traditional." Catholicism is Traditional. If a religious community is not Traditional, then, regardless of which Order of the Mass it uses, it is not Catholic at all.

Secondly: I am settled, for my part, on the Sister Servants. This is very much a two way street, however. My brother could not walk down the street, point at a girl, and announce to her the fact that they were to be married. No, indeed, he might be arrested for his moxi. So I can hardly presume to do what amounts to the same thing where religious life is concerned. And of course, the Lord may also, at some point, put in a contrary word of His own.

Thirdly: One of the things I looked for in a religious community was a primary emphasis on the spiritual works of mercy. That is, I did not feel the particular calling to devote myself to the corporal works of mercy, to nursing, or service to the materially poor. I was interested in teaching, as far as that meant teaching religion. This is because I feel that the salvation of souls, in the strict sense, is and should be the primary mission and apostolate of the Church.

It was also because I want to "break the alabaster jar of my life" at the feet of Jesus, for my life to serve no worldly purpose whatsoever, to waste my life for Jesus. Even atheists see the human benefits of nursing, of caring for the poor, of teaching English and biology and chemistry. But contemplative nuns, who serve only in the spiritual realm, are utterly useless to the World. The World sees their radical, total consecration to the spiritual battle and declares their lives a waste. And that is why an exclusively spiritual apostolate is such a strong witness to the Truth of the Lord Jesus. If Jesus is not the Christ, then their lives are a waste.

As for the issue you raised, about having some religious Sisters "wasted" teaching secular subjects ... you have a point. Once, religious congregations staffed entire schools, and it was only right that one Sister should teach science, another English, another religion. Now, there are much fewer Sisters, and those that remain are badly needed to teach religion ...

That being the case, there is something to be said for the idea that it is valuable to have biology, chemistry, English, and all the rest taught from the perspective of a consecrated religious. And as far as Dominican Sisters (who very often do the teaching,) go, in Dominican spirituality, knowledge is good for its own sake, and the Truth is to be pursued in all fields, including secular ones.

Philosophical Rot and Creed Co-opting

It's a fact, and every reputable scientist accepts it, that abortion kills a living human being. Of course, you don't need a degree to know that. Anyone brave enough to look at a sonograph can see it.

Even Planned Parenthood acknowledges that abortion involves "a death." Something was alive, growing, developing. Now it's not.

How about this for shocking: They'll even admit that abortion involves the death of a human being.

Pro-choicers who are knowledgeable about the philosophical roots of their movement know that it is based on the idea that not all human beings are human persons, that only true "persons" have a "right" to life, and that we have the power and the right to decide which human beings count as "persons." (This goes for all human beings who cannot speak for themselves: the unborn, the dying, the infirm.)

Of course, some people don't go for denying science, or embracing an eugenic philosophy. Some people are moved by experiential, spiritual things. For example: I have heard of pro-choice Christians. And really, we hear about them all the time. Capitol Hill is crawling with Senators and Congressmen who claim to be just that. NARAL and friends have even made attempts to co-opt Christian spirituality for their own purposes.

It's ridiculous, of course. The entire abortion rights movement is shaped by an intrinsically selfish, egotistical frame. "Pro-choicers" and the Lord Jesus speak in languages which directly contradict each other:

"It's not your body! It's my body!"
"This is my body, given up for you ..."

"This is my choice. I will make the decision."
"Not my will be done, but Thine."

Remember ...

when I said I was happy to be going to the Vigil Mass for Life last Sunday? Well, I went, but I didn't stay for the Mass. Two hours before it was scheduled to start, the sanctuary was filled to brimming, and I mean brimming. People were sitting up and down the aisles and in all the little side chapels. So I decided, since I'd received Jesus already that day, I'd let someone who traveled here eighteen hours on a bus use my three feet of personal space.

I did get to see some cool things/people however. (See me and Angela below. I stole the picture from her, my undeveloped film is still sitting on my desk, mocking me.)

Papa Update

Looks like Papa Ratzi may be coming to America next year! Whopdeedo!

The aforementioned Papa has also recently published his very first encyclical. Deus Caritas Est (God Is Love,) is a stirring discussion of the beauty of sexual love, the fact of Divine Love, and the necessity of unconditional love. There is also a long section on authentic Christian charity and what that means in terms of social service. Go read it!

Now, it's time for a German-Pope-Visiting-America joke:

The Pope has arrived in the US for a visit, and his plane lands at Newark Airport. When he gets to the curb with his luggage, there is a stretch limo waiting to whisk him away.

He greets the chauffeur, and mentions that he has never driven such a car and would really like to try it out. The chauffeur tosses him the keys and says "go ahead, she's all yours!"

So the Pope is heading south on I-95 and, being accustomed to the autobahn, starts to go over the speed limit a bit. Soon, there is a police cruiser behind him with the lights on, pulling him over.

The cop walks up to the limo, leaving his partner behind in the car. He talks briefly to the Pope, gives him a warning, tells him to slow it down, and sends him on his way.

When the cop gets back to his partner in the cruiser, he partner asks: "Well, did you give 'em a ticket?" "No" replies the cop. "Why not?" asks his partner. "Because there was a very important person in that limo," replied the cop. "Who was it?," asked his partner. "I don't know," said the cop. "Why?" said his partner. "Because I was afraid to ask. You should have seen who his chauffeur was!"

I have GOT to quit doing this

It's eight thirty at night. The entire office is quiet. I'm the last person here, typing up a DB (Daily Briefing,) which has to be in tomorrow morning. It's done but I'm having a titanic, epic struggle with the copy machine.

I don't mind staying late (everyone does, almost every night,) or staying really, really late. I am minding the 6 day week I've been put on. I barely have time to do my grocery shopping any more.

Sigh. So here's me being ground into a little pile of dust. Almighty Father, how in the world did you work on Saturday, and rest only on Sunday? You being the never-tiring, good God and all probably had something to do with it. Of course, it's possible that I'm being just a touch lazy. I need a little divine stamina, please God!

A Day in the Life of an Abortionist

This is a mainstream news article. Published in a famously left-leaning newspaper. I dare people who favour abortion rights to read it and not get chills.

Unhappy Anniversary

Today is my unhappy anniversary, the day I remember those in my own immediate family, and in the whole human family, who have been damaged by abortion.

This morning, as usual, I went to Mass at the Basilica. Fr. Benedict Groeschel ( yes that Fr. Groeschel ) was the celebrant. He gave an excellent homily, but he delivered it sitting down. Remember, a couple years ago, how he was hit by a car? He hasn't fully recovered yet. He spoke mostly about the distortions of the media, about how greed and calumny had poisoned even the great, faithful, devoted nation of Ireland, against the teachings of the Church.

There were tons of kids (teenagers and really little bambini,) at Mass. Many, many families. I suppose they are all here for the March for Life. I sat behind two Franciscan Friars and a girl who, I have the sneaking suspicion, was a Regnum Christi Consecrated.

It was lovely, and I'm looking forward to the Vigil Mass tonight.

So long, and thanks for all the fish

Seen the movie, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy? In case you haven't, the movie begins with the mass exodus of dolphins from the planet. Turns out that there's going to be a highway bypass constructed in space, and our rock is in the way. All this time, the dolphins have been trying to warn us, trying to get us to file the necessary paperwork to avoid the demolition of earth. But we heard their urgent, squeaky noises, and all we did was coo "how cuuuute." We didn't listen, and now it's too late. So now the dolphins are evacuating. As they go, they hum this wonderful, catchy tune. You have to sing it in a dolphiny voice:

So long and thanks for all the fish
so sad that it should come to this
we tried to warn you all those years
you may not share our intellect
which might explain your disrespect
for all the natural wonders that grow around you.

So long, so long, and thanks for all the fish.

The worlds about to be destroyed
There's no point getting all annoyed.
Lie back and let the planet dissolve all around you
Despite those nets of tuna fish
We thought that most of you were sweet
especially tiny tots and your pregnant women.

If I had just one last wish
I would like a tasty fish ...

So long, so long, so long, so long, so long, so long, so long, so long, so long, so long, so long, so long, and thanks for all the fish!

Guess Who Has a Podcast?

It's everyone's favourite Nigerian! Cardinal Arinze, Francis that is! The Apostolate for Family Consecration, (helping families get to Heaven since 1975,) has been putting out an episode of his Eminence's fascinating insights every week. If you've ever heard the Cardinal speak, dear ones, you know he is very easy on the ears.

Have Ipod? Download now! See, you evil Macintrash, ye accursed creators of the Apple and attached information-annihilating disk drive converter! The Lord is using your maniacal technology for His own purposes. (Cue laughter dripping with vengeful glee.)

Here's the Cardinal getting a personal demonstration of his podcast:

Sorry about that post-less-ness

I've been pounded with tons of those horrid, late-night meetings at work. Actually, I'm still at the office as I type this. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.

In case anyone ever gives you flak about the so-called Hitler's Pope ...

"Pius XII is the only human being who has always contradicted me and who has never obeyed me."

~ Adolf Hitler

Upsetting Apple Carts and Papal Aides ...

Here's a jolly article about the development of Papa's pronounced habit of ad-libbing large parts of his homilies. The article mentions how he flusters the Vatican's print press. But the people in charge of live television translation, those folks have got to be sweaty:

When the pope presided over a Mass in the Sistine Chapel to baptize 10 infants in early January, he was supposed to deliver a sermon presumably prepared by his staff. The text, released to journalists ahead of time, was nothing special. Maybe that's why the pope pitched it.

Instead, he stood beneath Michelangelo's fresco of the "Last Judgment," looked out at the small congregation of parents and relatives, and began, "Just what happens in baptism?" Then he extemporized on the topic for 16 minutes -- twice the length of his planned homily.

The Vatican press office, meanwhile, sent out an urgent disclaimer telling reporters to ignore the prepared text ... Excerpted.

Coming to DC for the March?

Hey y'all. I realise that my audience is mostly Catholic and very POD, so there's a good chance some of you will be coming to my humble city, fair Washington, for the annual March for Life.

If you are, then you'll probably be coming to the Vigil Mass, which I think is on the Sunday beforehand ( I could be wrong.) Well, I go to the Shrine every week, seeing as I live five blocks down the street from it. So, I'm definitely going to be there. If any of you have a hankering desire to meet yours truly and gaze into my entrancingly beautiful visage, this is your chance! Additionally, my hovel is well stocked with hot chocolate and marshmallows. So you ought to consider swinging by for a little break from the January blusteriness.

Afterall, the Lord's troops have got to keep up their constitutions. Can't destroy the Culture of Death on an empty stomach, ya know. Leave a comment with your email and I'll write you with my cell number, address, or whatever. And if anyone needs help navigating the subway system or the street grid, I'm also happy to oblige. (No, I don't know why there's no "J" Street. There just isn't.)

I'm baaaack

Hey, everyone. I'm back from my very restful stay with the Nashville Dominicans. Now for the horrible news: I did not take a single darn picture. Calmly try to refrain from thrashing me. I'm rather forgetful, you know.

So, let me paint a picture for you. I attended the retreat with 26 other young ladies. And you know, there was not a sucky person among them. They were all extremely nice, charitable people! The chapel is truly beautiful, it's a lot taller than I thought it'd be. We all had "duties" Saturday morning, and I was assigned to clean the kneelers ... I must be super blessed because at both the convents I've visited, I've gotten to clean the chapel ... which y'all know is the job everybody wants.

The Sisters were very kind and very lovely. They sang the Divine Office superbly ... and if you've ever seen the Office done the Dominican way, well you know it's awe-inspiring. Our conferences were given by a hilarious, wonderful, Dominican friar. He was zealous and obviously in love. We also got to see some schools of the Congregation, and they were awesome. I mean, daily Mass, Eucharistic Adoration, Gregorian chant, in an elementary school? So cool. And the bambini were cute as buttons as you might imagine. It was an absolutely amazing five days.

So, all of that being said. Here's the thing: I'm 99% certain ( leaving the 1% for Divine Providence, ) that I'm not called to them. And looking back, I think I pretty much knew this after the first day.

I can't tell you how I know, I just know. I was very happy while I was at St. Cecilia's, but I didn't feel, I don't know. At home. The atmosphere didn't glow for me, not the same way it did at Casa Maria.

Me being the Headmistress of Practical, I have other, more concrete explanations. I don't like that the Sisters are sent far from home, to missions. I don't like that the groups of Sisters at the missions are so small (usually only four.) I don't like that the group of Sisters at home is so large. I understand, more than ever, that teaching remains a demanding undertaking, even in the convent, and that it can scrunch schedules and make large parts of the day "hurry up," time.

But all of these things are a matter of the inclinations of my personality; in other words, I think they could be overcome, if I was truly called there. But the fact remains, I did not feel settled. I've heard people say they knew they'd found "the place," when they felt "at home." Comparing my experience of St. Cecilia's with that of Casa Maria's, I think I finally, really get what they mean.

Leaving On a Jet Plane ...

Tomorrow morning I've got to catch a plane at 7:30 in the morning. I'm not that cranky about it though, because it's taking me to Nashville. Yay! I'm hoping that this retreat will help me re-focus on the Lord Jesus and what He wants me to do and less on my brain and what it wants me to do. Prayers, pleasy!

I really don't know when I'll be back again, though. Depending on what happens, I might not come home before I enter religious life. I mean, it depends on whether or not my parents stop being so vehemently opposed. If I go home, I might have to climb out my window in the middle of the night to get wherever I need to be. And I'd rather avoid that, yah.

So, I'll be on retreat with the Sisters from Wednesday to Sunday. That means there'll be five post-less days this week. Can you guys handle it? Tee-hee-hee.

Come again?

There is nothing wrong with your computer, do not attempt to adjust the picture. Sungenis controls the horizontal, Sungenis controls the vertical. Prepare to experience the awe and mystery which reaches from Robert Sungenis' inner mind to the Outer Limits, etc.

Robert Sungenis is a strange sort of man. From what I gather, he believes the Earth is the center of the Universe, and the Jews are a really awful group of people.

It is very odd, indeed, because Mr. Sungenis is not a Fundy Protestant, as you might expect. He is, in fact, the owner/operator of Catholic Apologetics International, which is an equally odd internet site organized in a fashion reminiscent of the infamous Jack Chick.

Tooling around Mr. Sungenis' site (which, by the way, is not nearly as funny as Mr. Chick's,) I discovered the picture posted below. When I first saw it I said to myself: "Well, in a way, if you think about it, sort of ..." But no. Veddy, veddy weird.

Happy New Year's Day!

This evening, the sisters us (I'm on the left) had to entertain themselves. Left to their own devices, they demonstrated exemplary maturity, productivity, charm, and social grace.

How?

By wrapping our lips around Ritz crackers, drumming them with our fingernails, and hollering like indigenous women. When the native chanting was over, we used our tongues to drill little circles in the middle of the crackers before executing a perfect demolition of the same. We finished off the whole package enjoying this fine and gainful activity. While my sister performed admirably, I feel that her efforts were those of a mere amateur in comparison with my own.

Ah, the cheesy, buttery goodness that is Ritz. Note to self: work on developing monastic decorum.