I have it on good authority, from a number of non-paranoid sources, that the use of "Turkey Day" as a euphemism for Thanksgiving is a militant secular schtick.
See, the very word Thanksgiving implies giving thanks. And who do we thank, for the important things? Thank you, O accident of evolution, for my health, wealth and extensive family tree? No. I do not know atheists of any kind who feel grateful to the impersonal forces of the cosmos which they believe pounded them into being.
Thanksgiving means giving thanks to God. The Secular Coalition for America cannot be much pleased. Turkey Day, on the other hand ... everyone believes in the existence of turkey.
Chuck Norris has some thoughts about the religious character of Thanksgiving here.
Yes, it is the Chuck Norris. Apparently Walker, Texas Range has been writing for the conservative Town Hall community for quite awhile. Whoulda thunk it.
Do you know that Chuck Norris never sleeps? He waits. He doesn't style his hair, it just lies perfectly in place out of sheer terror. And Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye.
November 30, 2008
November 25, 2008
Coolest Weather Ever
Tonight I was driving home through the blizzard we're getting here in Ohio.
And in the midst of all that white, there was lightning! It lit up the sky. Beautiful!
This phenomena is called Thunder Snow. Awesome name, right?
I'm happy to know it's a real thing, and I don't have frontal lobe damage or something.
You can see an example of thunder snow here. My experience was a lot less startling.
And in the midst of all that white, there was lightning! It lit up the sky. Beautiful!
This phenomena is called Thunder Snow. Awesome name, right?
I'm happy to know it's a real thing, and I don't have frontal lobe damage or something.
You can see an example of thunder snow here. My experience was a lot less startling.
November 21, 2008
They lost my package in San Francisco
... or in Nashville, Brooklyn or St. Paul.
I foolishly trusted the United States Postal Service with a delivery. I paid extra for tracking information.
Lately I've discovered that my priority package is not a priority. I was told by assorted Sirs and Madames that a number of days must elapse before an investigation into my missing mail could be launched. (Missing people have a 24 wait, missing packages must wait 7 days.)
Well, the investigation was opened, and 21 days later, no luck. For some reason, tracking information is not available either.
Lesson learned. Next time, use UPS. Maybe it's that extra 'S' that messes the USPS up.
I foolishly trusted the United States Postal Service with a delivery. I paid extra for tracking information.
Lately I've discovered that my priority package is not a priority. I was told by assorted Sirs and Madames that a number of days must elapse before an investigation into my missing mail could be launched. (Missing people have a 24 wait, missing packages must wait 7 days.)
Well, the investigation was opened, and 21 days later, no luck. For some reason, tracking information is not available either.
Lesson learned. Next time, use UPS. Maybe it's that extra 'S' that messes the USPS up.
November 15, 2008
The Madonna Looks Down
on some children praying before lunch at a New Haven nursery.
Enjoy the rest of the New York City Public Library's Digital Gallery here .
Enjoy the rest of the New York City Public Library's Digital Gallery here .
November 14, 2008
What Have I Become ...
My sweetest friend?
Everyone I know
Goes away
In the end.
(In case you are totally uncool and don't know, that is from Johnny Cash's cover of the Nine Inch Nails classic Hurt )
In Genesis, God tells us something He knew about us from the very beginning: It is not good for man to be alone. That is what we dread the most, I think. Fear of darkness, death, old age, is really fear of loneliness. In prison, one punishment remains, and it is enough: Isolation.
Jean Paul Sartre finished Huis Clos with the conclusion that "hell is other people." He had it exactly backwards.
Hell is So Bad because it is the curse of eternal loneliness. Heaven is So Good because it is the promise of eternal company.
Everyone I know
Goes away
In the end.
(In case you are totally uncool and don't know, that is from Johnny Cash's cover of the Nine Inch Nails classic Hurt )
In Genesis, God tells us something He knew about us from the very beginning: It is not good for man to be alone. That is what we dread the most, I think. Fear of darkness, death, old age, is really fear of loneliness. In prison, one punishment remains, and it is enough: Isolation.
Jean Paul Sartre finished Huis Clos with the conclusion that "hell is other people." He had it exactly backwards.
Hell is So Bad because it is the curse of eternal loneliness. Heaven is So Good because it is the promise of eternal company.
November 9, 2008
There's a lucky man out there ...
whose going to be spared the fate of being married to me.
You see, things have been messed up in such a way that any child of mine would likely have three heads and two tails. "Oh well," chirps the warning label on my pill bottle. "You can adopt. Just be sure to use two forms of artificial birth control!"
The pill bottle is not Catholic. It does not understand that artificial contraception leads to artificial sex and artificial sex means artificial marriage. Very few Catholics understand it, actually. People want authentic Levis and genuine leather and Hellmann's Real Mayonnaise. But when it comes to sex, they go for fake. Same thing with pregnancy. If real sex doesn't do the trick, then they go in-vitro: a knock-off knock-up.
I thank God that He removed the desire for marriage from me long ago. It lessens the blow. Although it is disappointing to find another way in which my body proves itself inadequate.
You see, things have been messed up in such a way that any child of mine would likely have three heads and two tails. "Oh well," chirps the warning label on my pill bottle. "You can adopt. Just be sure to use two forms of artificial birth control!"
The pill bottle is not Catholic. It does not understand that artificial contraception leads to artificial sex and artificial sex means artificial marriage. Very few Catholics understand it, actually. People want authentic Levis and genuine leather and Hellmann's Real Mayonnaise. But when it comes to sex, they go for fake. Same thing with pregnancy. If real sex doesn't do the trick, then they go in-vitro: a knock-off knock-up.
I thank God that He removed the desire for marriage from me long ago. It lessens the blow. Although it is disappointing to find another way in which my body proves itself inadequate.
November 7, 2008
Betsy Confused
It almost sounds like some kind of doll. Like the Betsy Goodnight doll or the Betsy Alive doll. Betsy Confused. Betsy very confused.
I don't understand pro-life people who voted for Senator Obama. What gives? You think abortion is murder, but a candidate's 100% support of keeping that particular kind of murder legal isn't enough to disqualify him from consideration?
People say, well, there were other issues. Senator Obama doesn't like abortion and wants to make it rare. His other policies will reduce the number of abortions. So Senator Obama was an okay choice.
If you lived in the 19th century, would you consider voting for a politician who supported keeping slavery legal? Even if he wanted to confine it to certain parts of the Union, regulate it strictly, and pursue regional economic developments that would make slavery rarer and more humane?
I don't understand pro-life people who voted for Senator Obama. What gives? You think abortion is murder, but a candidate's 100% support of keeping that particular kind of murder legal isn't enough to disqualify him from consideration?
People say, well, there were other issues. Senator Obama doesn't like abortion and wants to make it rare. His other policies will reduce the number of abortions. So Senator Obama was an okay choice.
If you lived in the 19th century, would you consider voting for a politician who supported keeping slavery legal? Even if he wanted to confine it to certain parts of the Union, regulate it strictly, and pursue regional economic developments that would make slavery rarer and more humane?
November 2, 2008
"Curse you, naps!"
This is a real quote from a kindergartner. On his non-school days, he must take a nap. He deems the nap a form of torture. How he ever endures it, he does not know.
Me: It's time for your nap.
Child: Noooo.
Me: Are you arguing with me?
Child:(Sensing danger) No.
Me: I hope not. It's time for your nap.
Child: Fine. I hate naps. I hate home!
Me: I'm sorry you feel that way. Let's go.
Child: (Sprawling on stairs as if dead) Curse you, naps!
I remember when I too loathed the nap. Now I consider giving myself one on weekends as a form of reward. Same thing happened with bath time. Once feared and despised, a bubble bath is now a luxury I rarely afford. Funny how things change.
Me: It's time for your nap.
Child: Noooo.
Me: Are you arguing with me?
Child:(Sensing danger) No.
Me: I hope not. It's time for your nap.
Child: Fine. I hate naps. I hate home!
Me: I'm sorry you feel that way. Let's go.
Child: (Sprawling on stairs as if dead) Curse you, naps!
I remember when I too loathed the nap. Now I consider giving myself one on weekends as a form of reward. Same thing happened with bath time. Once feared and despised, a bubble bath is now a luxury I rarely afford. Funny how things change.
November 1, 2008
Boo!
I do not really like Halloween. On many levels. I don't particularly enjoy a "good scare." And I have noticed that it takes on a creepy sexual vibe where the adult set is concerned.
But this year, I discovered my nich.
I was a candy-hander-outer. This way, I got to stay in my nice, lit up house, and still see all the outfits. Although I was disappointed by how many tweens came around undisguised, candy-receptacle pillowcases outstretched. Slackers! These kids have it too easy these days. It was 65 and clear, practically balmy out there last night. When I was their age, the Ohio winter came early, and my Princess Jasmine duds would be swallowed by a winter coat.
I briefly considered instituting a "no costume, no candy" rule. But I decided it would be wiser to give treats and avoid tricks.
For this occasion, I spent my hard-earned coin on full scale candy bars. None of that fun size stuff here. No Siree Bob. I want to establish a reputation as a candy hot spot for years to come.
But this year, I discovered my nich.
I was a candy-hander-outer. This way, I got to stay in my nice, lit up house, and still see all the outfits. Although I was disappointed by how many tweens came around undisguised, candy-receptacle pillowcases outstretched. Slackers! These kids have it too easy these days. It was 65 and clear, practically balmy out there last night. When I was their age, the Ohio winter came early, and my Princess Jasmine duds would be swallowed by a winter coat.
I briefly considered instituting a "no costume, no candy" rule. But I decided it would be wiser to give treats and avoid tricks.
For this occasion, I spent my hard-earned coin on full scale candy bars. None of that fun size stuff here. No Siree Bob. I want to establish a reputation as a candy hot spot for years to come.
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