Trouble, Trouble, Trouble

You may have seen this commercial about a dog and his beloved bone.

Aside from being an extremely cute story, it reminded me of St. Francis. The Franciscan idea is that poverty = freedom.

Owning stuff means we have to worry about it. How can I protect what I've got? Whose going to try to take what I've got? Being poor eliminates all of that. No umbrella insurance required.

Sunday

Among the typically asinine things a lifestyle reporter asks is: "Can you describe your perfect Sunday?"

This Sunday was far from perfect.

But I did get to go to Mass for the first time in more than a month.

When I was in the hospital, someone brought me the Eucharist pretty much every day. But I missed the community element, I guess. Not that I ever do much socializing at Mass. I don't. But there's something irreplaceable about praying alongside other people.

So, it was not a perfect day. But a good day. Grateful am I.

The Shack

Since I've been sitting around convalescing, I've had an opportunity to read oodles of books. One of the little goals I set for myself is to be well enough to attend my parish's annual summer reading club later in July.

I've been diligently going through the book list. First up: The Shack by WM Paul Young.

I'd never heard of this book before, but apparently it's a New York Times bestseller. I tried to get it from the library, but it's so popular, I took up the 134th place on the waiting list. So, I had to buy it.

WM Paul Young is no CS Lewis or Flannery O'Connor. As far as literary merit goes, well. The Shack has none. The prose is juvenile, full of redundancies, cliches and platitudes. Really the novel is just a sermon with a weak attempt at a plot attached. And the sermon is not that good. Lots of questionable theology mixed in.

The Holy Trinity is represented by 3 characters, and the chapters from 6 onward are mostly composed of a series of lectures they give to the main character, "Mack," who occasionally interrupts with "I don't understand" or "huh?" ... this counts as an attempt at "dialogue."

Of course, the lessons God has for Mack sound uncannily like those of a typical mega-church pop pastor. He drops definite articles here and there. At one point, Jesus tells His father: "Papa, I loved watching you today as you made yourself fully available to take Mack's pain into yourself and then gave him space to choose his own timing."

I kid you not, the book is full of this stuff.

As a Christian, I'm actually a little embarassed that this book is so popular. I can imagine a non-believer reading it and thinking "this is the best you got?"

Nifty Modish Find

How frustrating it is to go on a thrift store adventure and discover a treasure chest full of interesting, well-made and pretty skirts ... only for them to turn out just a little too short in the dressing room.

Well, leave it to Mormen women to solve the problem of stylish modesty. Vintage Hem is a marvelous business idea, peddling whimsical slips "meant to be seen."

Unique, modest, and at a reasonable cost. Way cool.

The slip-as-fashion-item concept is also the impetus behind Your Slip Is Showing ... although their prices are much higher and modesty is not their concern.

Using Bacon to Make the Best of a Bad Situation

*I realize this is like my 5th blog post about bacon. Slightly neurotic.*

1. In the event of a nuclear holocaust, put bacon in the windowsill, so that it can cook.

2. In the event of a bear attack, throw bacon at the bear. Perhaps the bear will eat the bacon instead of you. If you can't bear to throw your bacon at the bear, eat the bacon yourself for a satisfying last meal

3. In the event of defeat in war, use bacon to feign death (disembowelment.) Once you have evaded enemy capture, apply bacon to your wounds instead of bandages.

Back Again

So, I was finally discharged this afternoon. Yay! Three weeks in the hospital is enough.

That said, the experience was one of the single most fascinating of my life, and I am very grateful for it. I'm in a hurry to write everything down, before I forget it.

Maybe that's what I'll do while I'm stuck in bed for this little while. Motorists and insurance companies can rest easy this month; it'll be four weeks before I'm allowed to retake the road.

Now, I'm going to have some vanilla ice cream.

Update #3

Elizabeth's surgery came off without a hitch. She is still resting at the Cleveland Clinic, and in a great deal of pain - but time will help that hopefully! She is due for a 7-10 day stay in the hospital after the surgery, today the nurses were going to help her sit up in a chair. I know she misses her blog and will be back as soon as possible!

- Maggie

Update #2

Elizabeth is still in the hospital. She is scheduled for surgery tomorrow (6/16/2009)at around 11 am EST. The surgeon who will be working on her is one of the best in the world and we have every confidence she will come through all right. It will mean a big change in her life, with some challanges and many positives, and prayer would be greatly appreciated! :)

-Maggie

Update

Elizabeth (Betsy) was re-admitted to the hospital today. I don't know too much about what the situation is because I just heard it from my father on the phone! As you might have guessed from her relative silence on her blog her health was again in a fairly rapid decline. Which the doctors expected. Prayers for Round 2 would be appreciated!

-- Maggie

So I'm Thinking About Getting This Magic Shirt

The Three-Wolf Moon T-Shirt, advertised at Amazon.com, is available in "various sizes." The 962 mostly 5-star reviews insist that the TWM shirt attracts women, money, and good health. They comment:

"Hitler did not like this shirt."
"KoolAid doesn't stain this shirt."
"Babies trust this shirt."

and even:

"I'm proud to say I am no longer an Atheist. There has to be a God for this shirt to ever exist. Thank you Three Wolf Moon T-shirt, my life is forever changed."

Usually I would take the advice of a bunch of online loopies with a grain of salt. But the positive reports seem so overwhelming. And then there is this, which for me, seals the deal:

"I am a US Navy sailor, on board USS John C. Stennis. The fact that I am visiting this page on Amazon should serve as enough evidence to justify my credentials when it comes to recognizing general awesomeness."

Indeed, Sir.

I am Discharged

I am most grateful to everyone who left a note, or a message, here or with my family.

Unfortunately, the treatments I received at the hospital did not "take." The doctor explained it very patiently to me, this afternoon. I do not feel so badly at the moment, but the blood work shows it will not last.

It will be, perhaps, a week ... and there is nothing more to be done, as far as medicine is concerned. I decided I would rather be at home for whatever time is in between. I think it will help me to go forward feeling like I'm able to approach this on my own terms ...

Well, I do not have MS. I do not have lupus or schizophrenia or any other dread scourge for which there is no remedy. My condition is not only treatable, it is "curable." Some people do not consider it a cure, any more than they consider amputation a cure. But I will not be a cripple. I will have my eyes and ears and all my neurological functions in perfect working order.

Of all the awful things which a person can develop in their twenties, I have in many ways won the "disease lottery."

My surgeon says I see things clearly. He also has an Australian accent which is delightful.